The Purpose Of Step 1 Is To Help You Survive The Recent Loss Of A Loved One.
Most importantly, I share how to separate your "real responsibilities" from the necessary, sacred need to grieve
List Of Action Step- Click To View Each One
When To Get Medical Attention
Ways To Help Yourself - Your 1st Level Self-Care Tips
Re-cap of "Real Life" Demands And Things To Remember After Crisis
FREE Guided Meditations
How I Manage "Real Life" Demands While Grieving
What Can The Grief Zone Do For You?
Sign Up For My Signature Program on "How To Get Started Creating Your Grief Zone"
Action #1: When To Get Medical Attention:
Start With A Quick Assessment:
#1 Are you in crisis & need help right away?
If so - call 988(USA) RIGHT NOW.
Or click https://988lifeline.org/
#2 Do you have existing physical or mental health issues that feel worse because of your grief?
#3 Do you have unfamiliar physical or mental health issues since this loss?
If You Answered Yes To #2 or #3 – Seek Medical Help Immediately.
While Getting Medical Assistance, Return To This Page Often - Lots To Take In!
Linda M Hughes,
Psychic Medium
Grief Coach
Action #2 - You Can Help Yourself With 1st Level Self- Care Tips!
Self care is the most important priority always, especially after losing a loved one.
Deep, healing sleep matters most of all! After losing each of my loved ones, I retreated into myself sleeping as much as I could. The pain and overwhelm was so big, so unimaginable that my body completely shut down. I believe this was MY body's healthy response, while in sleep, the reality was gently rolling into my consciousness.
Grief is also physical. Whether you want to or not, make sure to eat balanced meals. Eat enough calories and nutrients to help your body get through this time. Drink water to stay hydrated.
Absolutely avoid alcohol or recreational drugs right now, you don't need the extra drama.
If you decide to follow this advice and have been a heavy drinker up to now, please ask those medical professionals for help in stopping. Depending on your consumption habits, quitting cold turkey could be dangerous.
Did you have a regular exercise routine before your loss?
If you did, modify it to fit and keep doing it. If you did not, consider taking up short walks in nature.
Action #3 - “Real life” won’t let you get away with “grieving” for long, or at all.
If you have family or friends nearby, let them help you. Take all the help you can get, that is offered to you and that you need. If you have always been squeamish about asking for or accepting help, get over it.
If you do not have any others that you can trust to do these things for you, hire out what you can. Or, if this is not possible, pace yourself. Consciously choose your most productive times of day to work on these issues. In this productive time only, prioritize by importance and get things done quickly. And then stop. Now is not the time to become bogged down with unnecessary busy work. Really! If it wasn't important before this loss, it can wait until later, when life is less chaotic!
You may be aware of all of these things already, but this is a general re-cap of some of the most important “real life” items needing your attention.
1. If you and your loved one was/is responsible for minor children or at-risk adults, their physical, mental and emotional needs will be first and ongoing.
2. Immediately after their needs are met, you will be helping the other family members and close friends of your loved one to cope with this loss.
3. Simultaneously, you will be required to help end the financial and legal life of your loved one.
4. Included as a part of item 3 will be notifying and applying for things available to you and dependent children like survivor benefits through Social Security, Medicare, Medicaid and similar stage agencies.
5. Apply for food, utility bill and transportation assistance through state and local agencies if not offered through the bigger federal agencies.
6. This will also be while you are trying to cope with your own grief over this loss. So refer back to Action Step #2. Right now, self-care is not a luxury, it is literally how you will survive. You got this! You can do this! Breathe deeply, splash water on your face and pick a self-care tip to do right now!
Do what is required every day, but no more. Once the “crisis management” phase winds down, and it will, turn your attention to things that make daily life more manageable.
For yourself and others that you are directly responsible for, this might include things like seeking out help for:
1. Short and long term physical and mental health care needs.
2. Creating short term reviews of your assets and how they can be used to protect and cushion you financially until you can get through the first stages of this loss.
3. And at all times you will need to work closely with your employer. If you are self-employed as I was and still am, you will need to make arrangements with your clients on how to proceed.
4. Often overlooked, not necessarily a crisis, but a necessary safeguard within your own internet safety is memorializing the social media accounts of your loved one. I call this a safeguard for yours as well, to prevent hackers from infiltrating the abandoned account and finding entry into yours, if they are connected. It is a maddening task, but do a web search to learn how to do it.
After most of these issues have been dealt with, the other things can be handled as they cross your path. This list may be overwhelming for a long time. You can do it! I know you can! Breathe deeply a few times, splash water on your face, pick a self-care tip and keep going!
In addition to the physical and mental professionals you consult, also remember to seek out the kinds of professionals that help you with your spiritual needs. This can include:
1. Clergymen and women from traditional sources like online and local church services.
2. Exploration of spiritual practice that includes physical activities – like yoga, meditations, drum circles and many forms of dance.
3. Or through private individuals like myself that offer firsthand experience combined with forward focused spiritual and intuitive coaching. My coaching adapts to fit you right where you are right now and includes measurable goals and outcomes.
And most of all, there will be a day when you will be able to look ahead farther than the next crisis. You got this! I believe in you! You can make it to that point!
Keep Scrolling Down Or Return To List Of Action Steps
Action #4: Download And Listen To These FREE Guided Meditations:
How I Manage "Real Life" Demands While Grieving:
As you know, grieving is not a choice. It's thrust upon you, shocking no matter how long you had to prepare for it. Want to curl up in a ball & just be left alone?
But real life is always butting in. And some things won’t wait. As time goes by, you figure out how to "muddle" through.
Right here and now, I want you to know that your new life is going to wait for you on the other side of the “muddle”. So don't let “muddling through” become a habit that you keep. Stay engaged in your life! Even when it sucks.
Here Is How I Do It.
I Divide
My Life
Into
Sections.
I wanted private time to grieve however I chose,
while dealing with real life issues.
So, I created a Grief Zone and I allocated time to it every day.
Because when I had to be in real life, I was all in.
But, I could escape at an appointed time, to enter the Grief Zone.
I cried, I screamed, I hugged my husband’s pillow, I held my son’s stinky T shirt to my nose.
And later, when I lost my Mom, I gently caressed her personal mementos.
Anything to be near them in some way. And it was fabulously ok.
I started an epic journal, because writing is my thing.
I chose to write about the pain and anguish of these experiences, storing it on my computer.
At times, it felt like I would never be able to leave this foggy, heart crushing grief.
After a particularly bad session, I would slam this book closed and stomp away.
Wow! The writing of it absolutely gave me:
a sense of peace over the things
that I had no control over &
could never change.
Walking away from it gave me a great sense of control.
So then I did this on purpose.
Eventually, I was able to spend less and less of my time in the Grief Zone.
Then and only then, was I able to start writing and living in the next chapters of my Book Of Life. Because, at my Decision Point, I chose to live full on, 100%.
I don’t have a title yet, but it might be “Learning To Live My Life Without My Loved Ones”.
Grief doesn’t end, you just get used to it.
Now, when I need to, I can bookmark the page in the current chapter, to slip back for a visit into my Grief Zone.
I also discovered that my Grief Zone became a safe haven for artistically and physically expressing this ultimate human experience.
What Can The Grief Zone Do For You?
Immediately, it is a place you create that allows you to separate
the “real life” demands from the sacred time that you need to properly grieve the loss of your loved one.
It is a healthy escape from the crushing weight of your immediate grief, where you can bank the spiritual and emotional energy
that you will need to live a life without your loved one.
Over time, the original purpose may expand out, becoming that sacred space
where you can plant creative seeds for your other important life changes and future.
There Is Only One Thing Left To Do!
Take Action #5:
Go To The Weekly Digest Page On This Website.
- Select the best way that you receive information, as in:
- YouTube-Video, Spotify-Audio, or Site Blog-written,
- Scroll down to the Step 1 Playlist in your chosen column,
- Review/Select each of the links in that playlist for background material,
- Do the work with Assignment #1-5
As I share in Assignment 1, originally I designed this as an online group or private workshop. But due to the frenzied, crazy, expensive world we are currently living in, I decided to make this information as readily accessible for everyone as is possible. I also decided that this is so important to those of us that are rebuilding our inner lives after loss, that I made it FREE. However, the time to create, assemble, market and present this to you was not free. So, do me a favor by not allowing this price tag to devalue the benefit that you will receive from it. My thanks in advance!
Also, I create this content for each channel once a month, so in the beginning, you will have to wait for the next work assignment. Bummer, if you are hot to go on the assignment, great in that it gives you time to think it through and spend quality time with it!
If you find yourself needing my feedback, please go to the "Our Place" Community Events page and sign up for one of these. You can ask for assistance during your allotted time for "sharing". I highly recommend this step anyway, as there is nothing better than hanging out with people who feel your pain and are actively forging ahead anyway!
If you decide that you want to consult with me privately for these assignments, please go to my private coaching page to book/pay for your sessions.
My thanks in advance, and as always, I wish you love, peace, hope and inspiration!